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The
Ogre of Central Park
by David Speranza
OPEN ON:
The SNEERING VISAGE of one tough-looking customer—shaggy,
unshaven, a
cig dangling provocatively from his mouth.
Once upon a time, in the middle of a large
city, there lived an ogre.
This is, in fact, our eponymous OGRE. And he's glaring right at us.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY
A secluded stone pathway. A HAPPY COUPLE walk
hand-in-hand
along the path.
He was not an especially nice ogre. In fact,
like most ogres, he could be quite terrifying.
The ogre leaps out from behind a bush and ROARS at the unsuspecting couple.
The poor twosome throw up their hands in fright and flee.
The ogre tosses his head back with a grunt of satisfaction,
then
shambles back to the mouth of a large tunnel nestled amid the shrubbery
and rocks beneath a wide pedestrian bridge.
But this ogre, whose name was Donald, was
especially cantankerous, for not only didn't he
like people, he didn't like his job—
BACK ON OGRE staring at camera with cigarette.
These days, who does?
NARRATOR
—which consisted of guarding the entrance
to the enchanted forest, the last such forest
on the island of Manhattan.
OGRE
(to camera)
It's better than slingin' hash.
NARRATOR
But one day, a sweet young girl accidentally
wandered into Donald's domain.
A pretty YOUNG GIRL in a bright dress walks along the path
toward the
ogre, talking animatedly on a cellphone.
Donald was quick to act.
The ogre stubs out his cigarette, clears his throat, and lets out a terrifying ROAR.
The girl pauses in her tracks, regards Donald without even a semblance of fright. The ogre coughs nervously.
(into phone)
Trixie, I have to call you back. There's
some kind of ogre blocking the path.
Donald stares dumbfounded as the girl slips her cellphone into
her
pocket and calmly sizes him up. He attempts a growl.
You want to tussle, big boy? All right,
come on—
She takes up a Matrix kick-ass pose, gestures him forward. The ogre blinks, glances left and right in disbelief. Then he takes a breath and rears up to his full height in preparation for another roar.
So quickly it barely registers, the girl punches Donald twice
in the
head and kicks him in the stomach, knocking him into a bush.
Let that be a lesson, you big meanie.
Picking on sweet young girls...
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